Existence

Man is condemned to be free. Condemned because he did not create himself, yet is nevertheless at liberty, and from the moment he is thrown into this world he is responsible for everything he does. Jean-Paul Sartre Who am I? Why am I here? Where am I heading towards? I often find myself ponder into…Read more »

Shower

When was the last time that you took a shower? No, I mean really taking a shower and just taking a shower. Not standing in the water reminiscing on some arguments you had with your high school boyfriend; or judging your belly fat because the half bag of Doritos you inhaled last night is still…Read more »

Therapy Tech

This was our 3rd therapy session via video conferencing since the social distancing rule put everyone behind doors. Honestly, there is not much difference to me whether to see Jen sitting on the couch across from me or behind a screen. Other than the occasional lagging in her voice or sudden disappearance of her face,…Read more »

WFH

9:30 am, I am sitting in my pajamas with a messy bun hanging on to the side of my head. Although it looks like that I just rolled out of my bed, I am actually an hour and half into work and have already finished most of the tasks required. My mom is panicking because…Read more »

Toilet Paper

Sorry, I meant to say COVID-19. For some reason, now when I think about COVID-19, rolls of toilet paper image just pop up in my mind. SARS (SARS-CoV) started in November 2002, when first infected humans were identified in Guangdong province of China. I was in Guangdong province of China at the time. In my…Read more »

Therapy VII

New records. It was the first time that I had a complete meltdown during a session; and the first time that I made the psychologist cry (more like tearing up). Is this progress or deterioration? I told Jenn that her office was a safe place for me. I knew that when I sat on her…Read more »

A bit heavy reading

“Desperation and fear can make people do a lot of things.” A phrase that comedian Trevor Noah said in the Netflix show with Jerry Seinfeld “Comedians in cars getting coffee”. Racism sounds like such a heavy and serious subject that I always try to avoid discussing it. In that Netflix episode, Trevor was explaining “apartheid”…Read more »

Blank

I am drawing a blank. In fact, I have been in this blank state of mind, or rather, an extremely muddy mind, for weeks. I started on five different drafts on different topics; none of which had more than one complete paragraph. Ideas kept on bubbling up in front of me, however, I can’t seem…Read more »

Unplug

Yet another day. No matter how much mental struggle that I went through yesterday; how intense was my nightmares; or how impossible everything seemed like; yet now I am living another day. My brand new induction cook top have some fancy LED sensors that supposed to reflect the intensity of heat by different length of…Read more »