Silent Night

Night is quiet. All I can hear is the machanical wheels turning in the humidifier; and the constant buzzing in my ears. The tiny little buzzing sound is like a group of crikets singing in the faraway bushes. If I don’t pay attention, it can be easily missed.

Then there comes the chatters. It gets so loud sometimes that I would forget where I am or the fact that I was trying to sleep. Some say that my kind is called pathological thinkers, or I am addicted to thinking. Even though I am tortured by the constant over-thinking, it has became a coping mechanism to avoid the potential suffering from pain or losses. It is almost like I pre-worry to avoid worrying? Or pre-stress in order to NOT stress later. It makes no sense, I know. Especially when 99.9% of the imaginary scenarios that I created to pre-combat during these quiet nights would never happen. Or even if I think them through 1000 times from different angles, the stress level would still be the same IF it happens. For example, what if my parents flight get cancelled AGAIN due to COVID? Or, how should I handle the stress after this holiday when I loath my work?

Leave the future stress in the future, shall we? I mean, today was a great day! Another great day. There has been no stress or worry TODAY. Everyone is healthy and happy TODAY. At this moment, when the night is quiet, you can be peaceful because there is nothing for you to handle right at this moment. If I think about it, I made it through this entire 2020 nicely. There were lots of tough times but I made it through them all successfully too! None of the chatters helped me, other than adding unnecessary noise and taking away many nights of sleep.

Shut up thoughts! This is my night! And I choose to have a quiet one today.

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