Result

It is the end result that counts.

Alexey Brodovitch

I am trying to sell my house and the process of it is stressful. Duh.

A lot of people have had this experience and if you ask them about it, I bet most of them can only remember if the house was sold at a desired price or not. This is the second time that I am selling my property. The first time was in Toronto, which is probably why I don’t remember selling a house can be this stressful. Starting with getting a realtor, then the clean up and renovation, I am bleeding cash left and right. Not sure if it is the same for you, but I actually like my old house. After living there for over five years, every corner contains a memory. It was my first house after moving to Alberta, started my new life here as a single mom. I remember falling in love with the granite countertop when I first walked into this house. I bought the two apple trees and pear trees as saplings 3 years ago from a nearby farm, planted in the backyard. We harvest pears for the first time this summer. My cherry branch in the corner is now a small tree as well. I painted our rooms with bright colors and my dog chewed off the washroom baseboard when she was a puppy. We changed almost every light bulbs and bought new appliances not long ago. I lived here all by myself for a little while, then with my son. My now husband moved in with me here and we started a new family, here. This is our home. But our family eventually outgrew the size of this house so now I am selling it.

The showings are happening everyday. There is a demand in this area for sure. However, I found myself feeling hurt when I realized that not everyone loves it after seeing it. (DUH!) As time passed, I just wanted this to end already. Everyday I was hoping that the house is sold and I can start to move on. Rushing to a result seems to be a common theme of my life. The stress was almost crippling as it was constantly running through my mind but there was nothing I could do about it but to wait. It felt like my life was on hold till it was sold. I didn’t even want to shop for new furnitures for my new house cause that seemed to be the NEXT stage of this process. And I am stuck on this level, not knowing how to proceed. One afternoon, I got a message from my realtor:

“Hey, the buyer’s mortgage application fell through.” Damn it. Now we need to start from the beginning again. I felt so suffocated and trapped. I don’t even know who to talk to. It is what it is, right? Complaining about it won’t make it sell any faster. My mind is circling and anxiety is up to my throat. So I decided to go for a walk. I feel like my therapist should just prescribe “go for a walk” as one of the remedies to all problems. Anyway, it was 5pm on a Monday. Most people were probably home preparing dinner. The streets were quiet and the Autumn sun was warm. “Don’t think about the past or the future. Be here, be present, this moment is all that’s real.” I got this mentra from one of the meditation videos on Youtube. It seemed appropriate to repeat it in my mind right now to shut off the other noises. “Be present”. “I am here.” “Hmmm, I should just tattoo that on my arm.” “Hold on to this moment.” “The house will sell when it sells.” “DUH!!! Stop thinking about the house. Just breath, and walk. Enjoy this walk, me!” My mind was not entirely quiet as you can see. I was struggling to keep myself in the present moment. A few minutes later, I noticed the golden leaves, on the trees and on the grass. Sunlight was sipping through the branches, making them almost too dazzling to watch. Arrays of geese flew by in a V shape. A grandma just smiled at me in the park. I realized that I was smiling too. Life did not get put on hold just because I was deperately hoping for a result. Instead of moping in bed, I could be living my life as it should be. Destination is not always the most beautiful part but the journey is. Enjoy the dance, as Alan Watts said.

I felt much better after the walk. Later that evening, my agent told me that we got another offer, an even better one.

Result shouldn’t be the only thing that counts, effort is. The view on the top of the mountain is certainly breathtaking, but so is the climb. The path to the top is beautiful too but are you too rushed to notice it?

Photo by Jacob Colvin on Pexels.com

2 thoughts on “Result

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