The Sound of Silence

I don’t know why I am so triggered by this comic. I can just sense the desperation behind each party’s waving hands. Is my depression kicking in again? I feel it knocking on the door. It will be another few weeks of darkness before I can catch a breath again sinking into the gloomy ocean of helplessness.

“”Hello Darkness my old friend~I’ve come to talk with you again~”

Like the song said, these somewhat regular periods of darkness have became a familiar experience for me. I went to bed early last night and woke up bright and shine. I put on some early morning meditation/motivational videos while I changed. “I AM strong! I AM courageous! I AM beautiful!” I repeated according to the video’s instruction, to my reflection in the mirror. “Today is a new day! Your vibration will attract what you desire!” The guru yelled in a convincing tone. When I walked out of my closet, my body was filled with confidence and positivity.

Then the effect wore off an hour into my work. The sky was so dark. My heart was going to jump out of my mouth. Six different things suddenly all occupied my mind and my focus started to flick like those dimming light. Uncontrollable tears were rolling in my eyes and every string of my nerves were pulled trying to fight back the unreasonable urge to cry. Why? Why do I feel so incompetent? Where can I hide for a little bit so that I can have a little peace? Who or what am I trying to escape from? And How?

Nope. Full of questions with no answer. The sound of silence raged on.

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