Blank

I am drawing a blank.

In fact, I have been in this blank state of mind, or rather, an extremely muddy mind, for weeks. I started on five different drafts on different topics; none of which had more than one complete paragraph. Ideas kept on bubbling up in front of me, however, I can’t seem to grasp onto anything before they just popped and vanished.

Everyday I wake up tired; autopilot myself into work and spend the whole day waiting for 4pm so I can go home. Ironically, I am not even particularly excited to head home. What is waiting for me at home? Water pipe for the fridge still needs to be fixed; the new stove’s fancy LED sensor is acting up; grocery; bills; summer camp registration? entertain the kid; clean the room; oh laundry! And grocery, did I mention grocery already?

Life is short and we need to appreciate what we have. Blah blah blah. All true yet I am still in this zombie state and watching the precious days getting wasted day by day in front of my eyes. The struggle took so much strength away from me, just to get myself through another day. Tasteless, dull, dumb, exhausting days.

I know that I am not alone fighting this silent battle inside. I guess that is one of the two reasons that I am writing this short article today: to tell you that I am going through this at this moment too, with you. The other reason is to get the satisfaction of finishing something, especially something that we enjoy doing. No matter how insignificant this article turns out to be, I finished it, and that gives me instant gratification once I hit the “Publish” button.

So if you are feeling what I am feeling, sorry that I cannot offer too much advice other than “finish something” today. Maybe find some really small projects that you love, or you used to love on your good days, and complete it. It helps. Even a messy canvas is better than a blank one, right? At least the messy one got your color on it, which made it unique, one of a kind. Just like you.

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