Alcohol

Disclaimer: To all my alcoholic readers, you are still loved but this article might trigger you to some extent. So please proceed reading with caution. Also, excessive drinking is bad, very bad for your health. Please drink responsibly.

Ok. Alcohol saved my sanity yesterday. The fuzzy peach Schnapps with vodka shooter was especially deeeeeelicious. I believe that my history with alcohol started with a cocktail named “Sex on the beach”. Before I had any experience with Sex, a bartender recommended that as a beginner’s choice. It is a very sweet and fruity and basically has the same ingredients as the fuzzy peach shooter. When mixed well, you don’t feel the intensity of the vodka till two or three of those later, you start to silently launching off from Earth to your own galaxy of joy or dizziness.

I haven’t been drinking for a really long time. Surely I had some beer with wings here and there, but never to the extent that I would feel the alcohol in my brain. When I say “drinking”, I meant to get buzzed. Alcohol put a pause on my overly active/anxious mind. It lowered my high expectation for myself to be this “perfect daughter”, “perfect mom” or “perfect lover”. Nothing really mattered under the influence of alcohol other than this amazing plate of Nachos on the table and the super loud music in my ears. For a split second there, I felt happy. I finally stopped judging myself, or feeling guilty about disappointing my family. The alcohol shut off some parts of my brain that was damaged by depression and anxiety. Use poison against poison I suppose.

A friend once told me, the major cause of addiction is when I associate these things such as drinking or pills with happiness. Drinking alcohol occasionally is normal but when I decide that alcohol is my way to avoid reality and achieve happiness, and then I will be really screwed. So no, alcohol does not erase any problems. It also does not cure depression or anxiety. It does, however, make me understand clearly what my issues are. I need to chill. LOL. Even my psychologist told me to chill. NO ONE can ever be perfect. And I am certainly NOT. I do my best and I am enough, as it is. Whatever stupid mistakes I made, it has been done. And rest assured that I will make some more mistakes in the future. As long as I don’t keep on making the same mistakes, I am progressing and that is enough. Take it lightly. Why so serious? Alcohol or not, just chill a bit. My life is so much better when my brain can just be “buzzed” for a little while.

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