My thoughts were clustered; words became gibberish; I could feel my heart beats in my throat and I kept on gasping for air but the suffocation wasn’t going away.
I put on a smile, a flowy blue dress, a bright shade of lipstick and a pair of 7 inch heels. My fearless looking armor hid my shaking hands perfectly. Some coworkers complimented me on my look today. I walked past a mirror then immediately started to think why is my face so chubby and where did my waistline go? The world can be so cruel to us sometimes and we need to be our own cheerleader! I said to myself but the voice was so low that I cannot be convinced at all.
“What’s the matter?” he asked. “I don’t know.” I replied. It’s like a dark curtain suddenly blinded my mind; now everything seemed grey and blurry. “Why aren’t you happy? Your life is so wonderful!” Yes, you are right. Sorry that I can’t figure out either, why? The stigma for mental illness is so common:”It’s all in your mind! You can think your way out of it.” I tried and I wish I can. But the dark curtain was too heavy for me to lift it up.
I wanted to cry but there was no tears. I wanted to scream but there was no sound. So I just smiled and kept on walking.