When was the last time that you have been to a library? I mean not like going in, grab a book and leave; but actually finding a place to sit and spending some time inside a library.
Back in University days, library was like a second home to me. Being far away from my sweet sweet bed, library has bright lights, often with big open windows and clean tables. Everyone there seems to be doing similar things as me, either studying, reading or typing something on their laptops. With the slight scent of coffee in the air, library provides a wonderful environment for my brain to settle down and focus. I learned to always bring a headphone too. There are always some people who think constant whispering in a quiet place is not annoying as hell.
After so many years, I went to a library today with my laptop, a notebook, a pen and headphone. It was early in the morning. Soon I found myself a nice open spot on the second floor to settle in. Frankly speaking, I felt very excited. This was the type of “me time” that I have been longing for in forever time. I decided to fill my void with knowledge. I was so lost in my emotions that I forgot how or where to move my life forward. I was hoping to find myself again in reading and writing. Knowledge is power, right?
Fifteen minutes into it, I received the first text message from my mom. She was angry with the travel agency who boosted up the price of the flight tickets for an upcoming trip. Then I got an email from the travel agent asking me to pay the airfare to secure this new price. After spending half-hour dealing with this issue (and paying a whole month pay check for my parents’ travel expenses), I found myself deeply tangled in my bank accounts and trying to move money around to avoid going into overdraft. Anxiety was building up and self-pity was creeping in. I received another text, from a mom asking for a play-date for our kids today. TODAY. No, I heard you asking “why can’t you turn off your phone and email?” And no, I can’t. My family depends on me. They need me to get things done.
So, hey me, it was a good attempt trying to reconnect with you today. Though not very successful, at least I didn’t spend the whole day soaking in my depression under the blanket. Maybe another time, I will eventually find myself again.