Rainy Day

Do you like rainy days? How do you feel when you see raindrops rolling down your window?

You can feel sad about the gloomy sky or enjoy the cool clean air mixed with the smell of fresh grass and mud. You have all the power to choose how the rain is going to affect your mood. You are the only one who is responsible for your happiness, in any weather days.

I used to imagine that I have different filters in my brain. And I stuck on the grey colored filter on way too many days. “Raindrops look like the sky is crying. ” I said. “The dark clouds is blocking all the light in my life.” That’s how dramatic I can be. A friend told me that sadness can be addicting too. It’s like you trained your brain to operate in that “grey” filter mode for so long that it became a familiar yet weirdly comfortable way of living. It’s almost like you are afraid of feeling happy or energetic since that is a new territory for you now. On my most depressive days, my friend said “why don’t you just try to get up and take a shower?” Then you will feel like you accomplished something to take care of yourself. After the shower, try putting on some body lotion; then maybe try to have a small bowl of cereal, or even put some laundry in the washing machine. Tiny steps. Tiny steps. But before you know it, you are making progress and you are moving forward. That is how I tried to take control back of my life on my darkest days: just focusing on a tiny task at a time without checking in with my feelings. I need my body to believe that despite my emotions, I am still the only one in charge of ME.

Now the rain is falling again. Sitting in this downtown office on the 30th floor, I can see the entire city being covered in black and grey. I can feel the wind shaking those new spring leaves and see pedestrians running to get cover like little ants on the streets below. And I see hope. The rain will wash away the dirt, bring more blossom, erase the hot air and moist the ground. And you know what, the sun is still there. Through those thick clouds, it will soon shine again. Even if you cannot see it right now, the sun is still there.

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