Bloken English

Yes, that would be today. Time is really going fast, in a matter of fact, flying by. It’s already the end of March 2025, and I? I am just starting to understand that I am not living my life.

Outside the window, snow is raging on. It has been snowing since yesterday, a day and half, none stop. All streets are now piled with snow, tree branches are loaded with white as well. I am thinking, for myself, that life for me, is a one-time deal. I am made to be here, to experience this world, once. Everyday, I force myself to wake up, get ready, go to work, trying my best to get through work, then go home, cook, feed the kids, play with them then put them to bed. This is not living my life. I don’t have any vacation planned, no traveling to look forward to. I don’t feel joy, only sadness, draining in sadness.

I have been staring out of the window a lot today. The snowflakes, tiny yet strong, are flowing peacefully up and down in between these downtown tall buildings. When they reach the floor, and get stumped on by footsteps or car tires, they will change to grey. Are they still snowflakes when they change to a pile of snow or ice? Then they should really enjoy the time being in the sky, have some fun flying and floating. Do not worry about going to the ground, or being stepped on. Who knows where you are going to land, maybe on a tree, or a house, or a rock near a big beautiful pond. The future will always be there. We will get there one way or another. What we can experience, is always in the NOW. Happy is a day, and being sad is also a day. I had enough sadness and hopelessness.

From 0-10, I was a great kid. Getting awards from Storytelling, dancing and playing piano, I was shining. From 11-20, I was ok. Getting bullied in school, but not realizing it till after, I can understand some of the pain that I was experiencing then. Then coming to Canada, meeting my ex, I remember the ups and the downs. From 21 to 30, I had some very good and some very bad days. My first son was born when I was 24. I moved provinces, changed jobs and changed a partner. From 30 to now, I have to admit that I am an adult even though deep down, I still believe that I am a child. I really need to start living my life now and create some memorable stories.

Every year, I need a travel spot, something to look forward to. Or I can write my book, the book that I have been dreaming about for years. Enjoy good food, scenery, and peace.