Out of no where, I got this text from my previous boss. He was having lunch with my other ex-boss and somehow, they both thought of me and decided to cheer me up.
For the past month or so, I have been trying to fight off this voice in my head:”You are the reason that everyone who loves you is miserable. You brought pain to people’s lives. What’s purpose of life? Why are you so lazy and useless?” Plus the guilt and shame for feeling guilty and shameful, it is just an endless dark hole. With the therapies, and playing Alan Watts youtube videos on a loop in the background, I am trying really hard to be at peace with myself. I would like to say that I do not need outside validation to love myself. But in reality, any bits of validation from other people help me tremendously in this mental struggle.
We often feel too busy to reach out to a friend or even family. But how much effort and time does it really take for my ex-bosses to send me that text yesterday? Three seconds maybe? To me, it means that they thought of me and they cared about me. It IS super significant to me. I felt like there is still a lot in me to give and to love.
We don’t have to agree with each other to show some kindness. There are so much hatred in the world at the moment. We need more kindness. The kindness to allow different voices to exist, to understand that other people’s lives matter even if they believe in different things than us. We need to know that we are all citizens of this planet in this galaxy and a little bit of kindness can go a long way.
In this moment, I feel loved. I am thankful. I am smiling. Go ahead, try love for a change today :).