Online dating (PG-13)

Before I forgot all about it, I thought that I should write it down. It might be very beneficial for, maybe, you! And if you are not at the dating age yet, my dear, please stop reading right here and go play some sand.

I tried OKCupid, Tinder, Bumble, Coffee meets Donut and the 7 days free trial on Match. So I didn’t really spend money on any of the apps. Score! Each platform has its own Pros and Cons. For me, Tinder was the most efficient, as I can get 10 conversations started within the first 5 minutes of swiping and 7 dates lined up if I really wanted to open that gate. There were a lot of hungry beasts on Tinder waiting for their next pray to feed their lust. So I would describe it as the McDonald way of dating: it is fast, it can feed your hunger, you can order from the photos and it might give you diarrhea (or STD) if you are not careful. Match on the other hand, was like a steak restaurant. Sorry, I am a foodie so I compare everything to food. It can be a little intimidating to enter because you know that it can be costly. The questionnaires during registration can really make you think, “who am I exactly?” and “what am I looking for?” I was matched 98% with this beautiful man working as an engineer at the government. We chatted, we met and we held hands while watching a movie on Netflix in his basement. I thought excitedly that he was the one. Actually, I really wanted him to be the one so that I can end my 7 day free trial in victory. But in fact, he is not what I wanted at all. He is the textbook boyfriend that parents/my conscious mind would like to meet: polite, neat, has a stable job, good education and not vegetarian. No, I can be friends with vegetarians. I just need someone that can devour meat with me and not judge me for throwing out the carrots in my soup. So this Match guy was like a medium well Sirloin. Thinking back, I was trying too hard to put in the “right” answers in the questionnaire but in reality, I can only enjoy juicy and a little bloody rib eye.

The majority of people that are on these online dating apps are broken souls, or jaded as they call it. I was one of them. I didn’t know exactly what I wanted. I have really low self-esteem. I was super lonely and desperate to find some shoulder to lean on. I desired for physical touch and insightful conversations. Deep down, I didn’t believe that I was worthy of being loved. As a result, I would bend over backwards just to get a validation from some strangers online. “Oh you love nature? Awesome! I go camping all the time!” Lie! “Oh you live 2 hours away in a no name town? I don’t mind having a road trip just to meet you!” Big Lie! When two strangers with completely different backgrounds, life paths and routines, met online, it takes a lot of sacrifice from both parties to make dating work. And since the first meeting, you two were already considered to be “on a date”, a lot of natural and healthy steps in between got dismissed, such as getting to know each other. Guys complained to me about how girls were rushing for commitment; and girls were mad about how guys were rushing for sex. Rush, rush, rush. It’s like instant noodle love. Why does it take 3 minutes to cook!? I am starving here!

Can online dating work? Absolutely. It provides you an easy access to this pool of single and ready to mingle crowd. You just need to have a right mentality. First of all, my dear, you need to love yourself. You need to know that you are worthy of love, no more or less than other people out there. Even if a few A holes broke your heart in the past, your value doesn’t decrease just because they cannot see your worth. I am a single mom with a body that is 8 sizes bigger than Victoria models. With the right pair of eyes, I can be the most beautiful woman on this planet. So can you. So don’t settle for anything less my friend, as you deserve the love that you are giving out to this world. Next, don’t try to find someone to complete you. I was depressed so I wanted to find someone to bring me happiness. Sorry sister, it doesn’t work that way. As all Ted Talk and probably Oprah said, happiness comes from within. Happiness attracts happiness. Misery only attracts more misery and it is not fair to hope for some other people to come and fix your life for you. After hundreds of failed attempts, I stopped my online dating mission since it made me even more lonely and not confident. I jointed a home work-out program (since my willpower is never strong enough to get me to the gym); I started to attend a HR course at the local university on weekends; and I initiated my Podcast recordings with some friends. By the time that I met my now fiancée, I lost 30 lbs, I finished my HR course and I feel like I can accomplish anything if I put my mind to it. I didn’t NEED a man at that point. I just like to have a man to enjoy life with, to share my joy and to grow together. I would like to believe that when you make your heart complete, you will meet another complete soul. Lastly, keep an open mind. It is quite interesting to meet someone and learn about their life stories. Sometimes, by meeting different people, you will have a clearer understanding about what you are actually looking for.

Wow, I wrote such a long post today! Are you proud of me? I am! I have so much more to share with you on this topic. Feel free to let me know if you have questions! Till then, remember to love yourself!

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