Here it goes, again

Sounds familiar to you?

Over the years of repeated failures, I realized something: I am not alone, on this repeated failure journey. It is not a bad thing. You see, it just means that we are the ones that never give up trying! I mean, we don’t really finish or achieve our dreams, but we constantly restart our attempts. That itself is an achievement, I think. We should get credits for the willingness to try, for example, for the 108th time to start eating healthy again.

My friend at work brought me this cup of colorful water today. And she was right: the colorful fruits made water more interesting and tasty to drink. See, sometimes you need a first-world logic to solve a first-world problem. And we need to start our self-care by staying hydrated.

I always believed (and still do) that I am a writer. I was very confident about my writing when I was 11 or 12 years old. Back when I was in Grade 7 or 8, the teachers would read my articles in every class to demonstrate how beautiful my poetic soul was. I would write pages and pages of wild thoughts after school when other kids were playing outside. I was so sure, and all my friends were very certain too, about me becoming a world-class writer when I grew up.

Then, I grew up. In Grade 10, the desired style of writing changed in school. In order to be successful for the writing exams in China, you need to be very analytical and “argumentative”. I mean, you should be able to argue for a point of view very clearly with solid examples or quotes. All my romantic “feathers” and “blue-winged butterflies” became useless in that grading environment. I couldn’t even get pass the first-round of any writing competition in school. As a result, instead of believing myself and kept on writing just for my own passion, I chose to decide that I am not good at writing and I should start looking for other things to do.

Then I came to Canada when I was 17. I couldn’t even speak English properly, let alone write in it. However, when something is in your blood, it will pop up eventually. Over the years, I started so many blogs. There weren’t really any audience, mostly just me reminiscing about life. I enjoyed it very much regardless. It’s like chatting with an old friend who is really good at listening, or dialing into your subconscious mind, very therapeutic. But these free blogging sites kept on disappearing on me, including my most recent loss from google’s blogger. My valuable writings just all disappeared with my accounts overnight, without any notice or explanation. SO, here we go again. This time, more seriously, I paid for the site.

My dear, you don’t have to be perfect to be awesome. I don’t have perfect grammar or fancy words. I am not very good at being consistent in publishing on a preset schedule or marketing it aggressively. I do have a sincere desire to connect and share with you. So you know that you are not alone out there. Thank you, in advance, for believing in me and believing in yourself.

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